AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
