Michael Bay diarrhea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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