her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
