Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All the doctor said was why
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
