three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
