respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
