Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
