hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
