forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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