I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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