at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
