all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
