I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
