During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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