Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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