i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
