i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
