I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
