i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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