He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your penis caused this!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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