i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
