Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He shit in the fireplace
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
