So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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