So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
