just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
