tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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