What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
