she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
