why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
