call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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