My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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