this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
