No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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