I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
