I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
