I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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