the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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