Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
