Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
