guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
