Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
