She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
