Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
