I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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