You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
