there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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