HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
