she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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