I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
