Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
