I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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