Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
