Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
