I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
