Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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