one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
