Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
