i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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