That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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