Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
