Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
