Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
