You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
